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We’ve been clutching our pearls ever since Teen Mom 2 Season 5′s trailer hit MTV a few days ago. So. Much. Drama. Not only did the preview reveal that Jenelle Evans had a secret abortion, we found out that Chelsea Houska’s still hung up on Adam (“Shocker!” said no one), that Kailyn Lowry and Jo Rivera got into another custody dispute, and that — wait for it — Leah Messer and her husband, Jeremy Calvert, almost got divorced! Leah and Jeremy tied the knot in a down-to-earth courthouse ceremony…